He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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