How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize