I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
