he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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