I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry about my life...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
