Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
