i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
