I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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