Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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