I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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