I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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