so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
