It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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