Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You've changed since you got that strap on
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
