Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
