Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
