Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
