It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
