first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
