I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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