My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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