I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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