Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
