we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
