Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
