Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
