just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
