Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize