yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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