Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
