I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
