They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
