Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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