you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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