fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize