mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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