i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
