I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
