dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
