oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize