I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
