Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
