Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
