The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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