Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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