Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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