but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We are two peas in an std pod
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
