he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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