shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
