no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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