Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
