if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
