you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
