you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
