you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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