the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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