I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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