Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
