I'm jealous of your bromance
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
