its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
