4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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