Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
