you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
