wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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