I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
