I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
