you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
