Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
