my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
