Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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