if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
