I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish I only lived at night.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
