things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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