I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
