i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
