So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
